Deborah's Reunion Story
it happened the phone call came my Bmom was dying.
My Aparents called me Sunday April 11th 1999 to
say that one of my Baunts had left two messages
on their answering machine. When I called her
back she told me that Bmom had been drug free for
a year and was doing really well. She then was
diagnosed with breast cancer (more medical
history info). She went through chemotherapy and
surgery and was doing somewhat better and the
cancer seemed to be subsiding. She then came down
with a serious case of pneumonia and was
hospitalized then put into a nursing home. While
in the nursing home she got pneumonia again and
also got a staff infection. She had a mild heart
attack was taken to the Hospital and was put on a
Baunt went to the hospital the next day to talk
to the doctors about removing my Bmom from life
support. She asked me what I wanted her to do.
She wanted my opinion and my wishes for my Bmom.
I told her I wanted my Bmom to have peace and to
let her body decide on its own and to let her go.
What surprised me the most was my reaction. I was
having the same reaction as I would if it were my
Amom. I was in shock and I couldn't stop crying.
There was no more hope that one day we would have
a relationship or that she would get better. She
was going to die and once again I felt helpless
not being able to do anything about it. I no
longer even had hope. I was not doing well but,
my Afamily was very supportive as always when I
going to Portland on Tuesday . My Bmom's life
support was definitely being disconnected. The
Doctor said that she could live hours, days or
maybe even a few weeks but, it would take a big
miracle for her to live. If she did somehow
survive she would not regain function of her
limbs and could end up in a vegetative state. I
did not want that for her I wanted her to have
dignity and peace. I was going to Portland to say
goodbye and if that miracle happened nothing was
decided that I would take the train and stay with
my brother near Portland so I wouldn't be alone.
Robin a Bmom I met in the previous Saturdays
adoption chat and that I had only known for a
day, lived in Oregon and offered to pick me up
from the train take me to the Hospital, then also
take me to my brothers and back to the train the
next day. I couldn't believe her kindness and I
was so glad she was going to be there because as
a Bmom she would understand.
died April 13, 1999 the very day I went to
Portland to say goodbye. She died while holding
my hand and it was so hard. I was not alone Robin
was there every step of the way. She was
absolutely wonderful and I am so grateful she was
to the hospital around 3pm and no one from my
Bfamily was there. The Doctor ushered me into a
private room and told me they had just finished
removing the life support from my Bmom but, she
was still hanging in there. He did not give her
any hope and told me she would most likely not
survive the night. We then went in to see my Bmom
and she was already struggling for breath. I put
my hand in hers told her I was there and she
squeezed my hand. She knew it was me! I was so
glad that even for a moment she knew I was there.
It was the last time she would respond to anyone.
I told her I loved her and we had a private
whisper chat and I told her everything I needed
little while later I realized I needed something
to eat because after not eating all day I was
getting woozy. My Bmom's breathing was really
labored so, I called in the nurse and asked her
to reposition my Bmom so she could breath easier.
I told her we would be getting something to eat
and be back soon. While in the cafeteria I called
my Baunt to see why no one was there she told me
that she didn't think she could make it today it
was just too hard. I asked if anyone was coming
and she said my Buncle might stop by after dinner
and maybe she would come with them.
and I ate our meal and went outside for some air.
We then went back to the ICU. When we got to the
floor the nurse said it was getting close and to
come back in. We gowned up and went in and my
Bmom was breathing hard. Her heart rate was
slowing down and I took her hand, told her I
loved her so much and to go be with Shelly(my
Bsis). Almost the moment that my hand touched
hers she became calm. No more labored breaths
just peace. Within five minutes she was gone.
nurse told me that my Bmom had waited for me and
I believe that she did. It was then that I
realized that when I came into this world she was
there with me and when she went out I was there
with her. I called my Baunt and told her she was
gone and that I was with her when she went. My
Baunt said she thought she would have hung on
longer but, was glad I was there. After the
Doctors examination they gave me some time alone
and I completely lost it. Robin just held me
while I cried and it was good to not be alone. I
called my Amom from the room and told her that my
Bmom had just passed. I needed her so badly right
then and she was there. For the last time I had
my two moms together one on the phone the other
holding my hand. It is a moment I shall never
apart not once, but twice, in the cruelest of
fate. Separation has come full circle; time gifts
only good-byes. Wails of a newborns
distress spill from my mind down my cheeks. Lost
then found a second time, just to be lost again.
apart not once but twice, my heart weeps hurts
unhealed. This time it's I that give you up,
helpless as your spirit leaves. Is it too much to
want you nearby? To hear your assurances of love?
Lost then found a second time, lonely without you
apart not once but twice, except down deep inside.
Bonded are we as mother and child where even
death cant touch. Touch me close in spirit,
pull me close to your breast. Lost then found a
second time, nr apart again.
so glad that I went to be with my Bmom. If I
hadn't gone she would have died alone. I would
have never been able to get over that and I am
glad I don't have to try. I am dealing with the
loss of my Bmom the best I can. I have felt such
love and support from my online friends. Not just
Robin, who is now one of my very best friends and
I love her so dearly but, also one very special
mailing list "Reunited Triad". They
were the first ones to hear my reunion story and
it was written to them as you have read it here.
Their support was unlike any I have ever known
and they have truly become my FAMILY. One week
after the death of my Bmom this loving group sent
me the most beautiful flowers. When I opened the
door and saw the flowers I didn't know who they
were from but, when I read the card I started to
cry. They were from people whom I had never met
in person but, who truly understood what it is
like to have found that missing piece in your
received such love and support from so many on
line individuals and I cherish them all. I have
kept every email response I received with love
and sympathy. My Afamily has been so wonderful
too, my Aparents have been checking in with me a
lot to see if I am ok and just to be there. I
feel so fortunate that I have people in my life
who love me. I am so grateful that I had even one
good day with my Bmom and that I was there with
her when it really counted. I have added a poem
from a wonderful person Tammy who is on an
adoption list with me. She has become very dear
to my heart and I thank Robin for introducing us.
I hope that at some point telling my story will
help someone else that is going through a rough
reunion. I dedicate my story to my Aparents who
are wonderful beyond words, The Reunited Triad,
Robin and most of all my Bmom who has finally
found peace. My tears are for you.
and tears- Deborah
Last updated: 08/25/00