Turning Over New Leaves

Questions Unanswered

by Judy Sander Cockrell

I have read and read and pondered this part of life we call adoption, and possibly I just don't understand the secrets kept concerning it. Maybe someone out there can shed some light for me.

A woman becomes pregnant out of wedlock, maybe she has no intentions for the father; she may have even suffered rape or incest. She feels shame for herself and certainly for her family, and has no recourse legally or spiritually but to give her child up for adoption.

It is a very loving and difficult gesture that gives this child a chance at a future that she alone cannot provide. But must it end there? A baby is born, and now we must pretend that this entire moment never happened? There will be decades of lies to look forward to. Family that will never meet family, medical questions that will have no answers, empty hearts that never get filled, faces in the crowd we will never identify. Birthdays that mean nothing, hugs that will never take place, tears that always will fall for a stranger.

The fact remains, this moment did happen, a child was born, and you are the mother or possibly the father -- a moment in time that will never be changed. But a future that most certainly can. In this day and age, where times have loosened up the thought process in all of us, why are we keeping these secrets still? Why can't an adopted child be allowed the right to see their real birth certificate?

If you do not want contact with a birth child, you still have the privilege to say "no", but at least give them the right to their heritage, to their medical history and to their child's future. It's no longer just about you, or your family, it's about the future of a human being that changed at that very moment. That moment that never happened.

Please, let's make today the day this all changes, a day that matters. Come clean, uncover the lies, and lift that black cloud. Today, tell someone your secret. Take a minute to read some of the stories I found, written by adoptees giving a little insight on their lives and their adopted families. You may find that little bit of courage you need to change someone's life forever.

Check out The Adoptees Internet Mailing List page.

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